My Black Family Truth After The Abuse

We would hate to openly admit the truth, but some black women, self included, love anal sex. Anal sex is still unpopular among most women in general but for blacks it is a big deal. There are several main reasons, for this predisposition. a black man’s penis is usually very large, then there is the pain, the nasty thoughts of bowels, and finally the humiliation.

The humiliation is where it started for me. One truth about some black women like myself is recovering from sexual abuse. Like many women in our society, I was sexually abused by both men and women in my family from age 3 until 24. The difference is that white women openly discuss these issues, but within the black community it is largely ignored. ‘Get over it!’ my family used to say. Those words were all I heard.a constantly when I would cr y, beg, and plead before an aunt would wrap her thighs around my neck hitting with a belt to lick her the right way ormale uncles and other relatives having their way with me at the same time. This wwas the way I was introduced to anal sex at age 18.

However, through all of this I thought it normal then and the family reputation was most more important than my dignity. I did not find out until almost 30 that the man on my birth certificate was my mother’s ex boyfriend in high school. But my biological father was my grandfather. My fiur sisters were fathered by my mother”s brothers and cousins. On the surface, no one outside the family knew the hell we caught at home.

My four sidters and I all handled the abuse differently. My oldest sister married a male to female pre-op transexual. Needless to say, she was no longer considered part of the family.

My other. two sisters became lesbian lovers. My youngest sisterwas rge envy of us all by running away. I am bisexual as a result of the past abuse. My oldest sister was in denial for years and tried to act like it did not happen. We were passed around the family according to our age. I am thankful that I can speak about it since the abusers have passed on. My kick in the teeth to them was to not attend the funerals and listen to pastors lie about how good they lived.

The experience left me with physical scars from the lashings with le@ther belts on my buttocks. I still haveaahe scars from the times my vagina had been ripped. The pain over the years have numbed me to a point that I have no shame when it comes to sex. I have been in therapy for decades and continue going through this day by day. I was always told it was my fault. My mother turned a blind eye when she sent us to stay with church going relatives.

To this day I hate religion and refuse to step into a church. I remember being called black ass girl growing up in the black community. Now, at age 45 I avoid black people as much as possible. I went back to college and got a great job to afford living in a white neighborhood.

My sisters never went to therapy and prefer to criticize me for getting help. It hurts me to disclose this but in other ways it frees me from a burden of holding it inside.

I still have a lot of work to do. I am in a relarionship with two ehite female roommates and a white male and we all sleep in the same bed. They are survivors like myself and in many ways I am happy for now.

Danielle S. — New York City, NY

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